JAL Thoughted

I hate how incredibly illogical and inefficient going to a restaurant is, and I would love to see technology being used intelligently to improve the experience. Being able to pay at the table is a great start - that will cut out the time it always takes to look over the bill, slide your credit card into the folder, set the folder on the corner of the table, wait for the waitress to notice it, wait while she whisks it off into some back room to process it, wait for her to bring it back, then finally sign the damned thing and get out of there. (I'm all for lingering over a meal, but when the eating is all done and the last dregs of coffee have been drained and there's nothing else to do, I'd like to go home, thanks).

What I'd really like is to do away entirely with the whole antiquated system of relying on one fallible, often-overworked individual for service at restaurants. I hate spending half a meal in acute discomfort because my food is too salty and my waiter hasn't refilled my water in half an hour. I hate the intricate dance of neck-stretching, eye-catching and avoidance every time I need to get his attention. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I hate having to hastily swallow half-chewed mouthfuls of food every five minutes to assure my overly solicitous waitress that yes, everything is still fine, will you please go away and just let me eat now?

What I'm really saying is, we need stewardess-style buttons on each table. Need a waitress? Push the button, and a small light will illuminate above your table, ideally hooked into a master display board in the back room, and someone will come right over to you. Otherwise, they leave you alone. I've actually heard of places that do this, but I've never seen one in the wild.

Dear BA Foodist,
Recently, I was eating out with three friends. We had finished our desserts and were chatting away when the manager told us it was time to leave. Apparently, there was a group waiting for our table. What gives? Can't I stay as long as I want?
Edmund Rutherford, Philadelphia

Dear Edmund,
I hear about check-dropping incidents all the time. Unless you're at the local diner, it is never okay for a waiter to drop the check without your asking for it.

Restaurants generally allot couples an hour and a half to eat. For four people, it's two hours. Of course, much depends on the pace of the meal--how quickly you get your appetizer, entree, dessert, and so on. Any good restaurant will give you adequate time to wrap up your meal; if you've finished your cheesecake and coffee and someone is waiting for your table, it is not all right to linger. However, if  you're being rushed (the manager's constantly monitoring your progress, you've had little or no time between courses, or waiters ask to clear plates before everyone is finished), ignore the dropped check.